It's been a time. The surgery went fine (QUINTUPLE BYPASS), though it took several hours, and I said I was really afraid of what would happen after, and I was right on that. He's had many serious complications, including not coming out of the anesthesia/meds for several days. He just out of the ICU a handful of days ago though the surgery was almost two weeks ago. He was in withdrawal at first owing to his years-long painkiller addiction (and how that's managed now is still up in the air), was extubated and intubated a few times, was on a feeding tube when after several days he still wasn't conscious enough to eat. There were serious fears of pneumonia due to being prone for so long. There were fears of stroke and then, in the past few days, he's had a few small ones. Fears that blood clots would travel to his brain (all of these are still on the table). He was in and out of afib and is still in it, which increases potentiality for several things, including death. He's also had a few small heart attacks while there. In the first few days, you could talk to him but he couldn't talk back but would respond (hearing is the first thing to come back), then after several days he could actually talk. Actually, the first thing I heard him say was "oh shit" when they tried to move him. That told us he was still there. He was in massive pain not only because he'd just been pulled in half, but also because of his terrible back issues.
Meanwhile, we were all there, all 5 of us, though overlapping and sometimes not (eg, I never saw my stepbrother), trying to manage a barrage of info that was changing sometimes hourly, and each other. There were lots of side issues to deal with, financial and emotional and long standing familial. There were kids to entertain. There were others to keep updated. And we have and had several text threads going, one with just the kids and the SIL and one with 10 of us that includes stepmother's two brothers and their 3 daughters, who've been endlessly supportive. Keeping dad's sister updated because she doesn't text and her computer is out of commission right now. Keeping stepmother reasonably sane when she has been falling apart. Sometimes it's helpful to have a family of therapists, sometimes it doesn't matter. Issues with my mother and stepfather, and some good things. My mother was endlessly helpful, as she was an ICU nurse and knows well what's happening, what the possibilities are.
He's supposed to go a rehab facility near home (he's been 60 miles away at the Cleveland Clinic, which is a great place, but also...60 miles away from their home). So many issues to deal with, some I can't say here. He seems grateful and thankful. I hope we can get him on a more consistent upswing. He wrote these things on the nursing whiteboard before his surgery and taped them up with bandaids:
So sweet.
The friends I've told have been so nice, checking in, esp since I don't (none of us 5 do) do the whole "post on FB and ask for prayers" thing. So only a handful of people know. It's just so up and down, I've grown to fear texts because each day it's another emergency.
I took careful note of how different people are in OH than they are here. I've mentioned this to people who are from here and they insist it's not true, but it is distinctly, starkly different. People there are exponentially nicer. You have pleasant interactions with strangers all the time, because they're not closed off like they are here. Customer service starts at a much higher level. For example, I was asked to pick up a birthday cake for the stepgrandmother (who, by the way, just turned 97!) and needed it be picked up earlier than the scheduled time. The guy on the phone checked and told me I could get it whenever I wanted. They'd be there from 6am on. Here, that would not have happened. I would have been told that the time was the time and they could not change it. Even if they could. People in service here do not go out of their way, not because they think they're being dicks, but because the baseline for customer service is just so low and managers don't insist their employees ever go above and beyond. When I picked up the cake, a woman in the line let me go in front of her because I only had that one thing. She noticed and quickly told me to go in front her, no hesitation, because kindness is the default there. It isn't here. It's so refreshing to know that interactions will almost certainly be pleasant rather than the default being cold and closed off. Not that I'd want to live there again, and I do think people are somewhat nicer here than they used to be, but I'd like to be elsewhere. In the meantime, I'm gonna try to bring some of that midwest sensibility back east.
health
hope
friends
love
family
