-You make me uncomfortable
-Your personality is unpleasant
-Can you speak up?
-WHAT?
-I said, can you SPEAK UP?
-I don't get you
-You don't smile enough
-Oh, you're smiling, but not in the right way
-Why aren't you like (that person who smiles more)?
-Just try to be more outgoing
-You should just apologize to people right when you see them, and tell that you're sorry you make them uncomfortable.
-You're weird
-Women are supposed to coo and coddle - what's wrong with YOU?
-Just be someone else
Why don't you love yourself?
27 July 2011
17 July 2011
13 July 2011
sometimes it's about the sad
Though my brief interactions with him weren't that great (and still am not thrilled with his misogynistic bent and tendency to be oddly dickish to his fans after being grateful), I admire the hell out of Marc Maron for various reasons, one of which his undeniable skill as an interviewer. Funny, you'd think someone so self...focused wouldn't be able to really buckle down and hone in on someone else, would ya? Actually, I would. Doesn't surprise me at all. He's used to that laser-fine attention to the psyche, so why not of others as well? And this interview, with writer Todd Hanson, is a revelation. In the second of two parts, he talks candidly about his attempt to take his own life, and not in a "cry for attention" kind of way. He truly intended to end it. Made the plans, got rid of items (writing mostly) he didn't want others to see, wrote notes (asked people in them to make sure someone took care of his cats, which broke my heart, and breaks it again as I write this), researched what it would take to shut his body down chemically, went to a hotel...and somehow woke up 24 hours later, still alive. Eventually he came to think of this as his second birthday.
A few important things: in his notes to people, and in the interview, he was extraordinarily grateful about how much love and support he'd received, and how badly he felt that he simply could not get through this depression and come out of it. But that's the myth, right? That depressed people are "selfish", "self-absorbed", and even that suicide is a selfish act. Couldn't be further from the truth, and shame on anyone who thinks or, even worse, says it. He felt horribly that he'd had such support and it wasn't enough. And it's so clear that people loved him, but maybe weren't there for him when he really needed them to be. He says this completely without judgment. That is my assessment alone.
He also talks about how there were lots of times when he simply could not afford therapy. They laugh about it, but say, "...you have to sort of pay out the nose if you want to...live." And that truly is how it is. I've been trying to navigate through the system for a good 8 months now, and it's maddening. Therapy really is only available for people who can pay massive amounts of money per session, mostly in cash. My psychologist stepsister will tell you disappointedly that she sees people in an all-cash practice. They don't even take insurance (I don't believe), and no sliding scale. You either can pay, or no therapy. How many lives are lost because of this? Doesn't seem like many people care, because depression isn't a glamorous type of ailment. Many people STILL don't understand there's a difference between "the blues" or feeling sad and major depression. It also pushes people away, it's not sympathetic or warm n' fuzzy, so if people die, eh, it's no biggie. Where are the studies linking the lack of ability to get affordable, effective therapy with suicide? Even with insurance plans, good ones, you only get a handful of sessions a year. A YEAR. When often therapists want to see a patient twice a week.
But you need to hear this man talk, with no drama, no guile, and infinite gratitude (not religious, revelatory, self-help type gratitude, but raw and honest) about how he got through this, and still is. It's beautiful, it's terrible. Everyone should hear it, and not turn away. Because as Marc says, "sometimes it's not about the funny; it's about the sad", and from the sad comes the funny, and the sad is just as rich and important as the funny. It's crucial, in fact. You think The Onion's funny? You think Marc Maron's funny? Louis CK? Conan O'Brien? So much of what they do that's hilarious is borne of the darkness with which they wrestle. Without one, the other doesn't exist. You get what I'm saying.
http://www.wtfpod.com/podcast/episodes/episode_190_-_todd_hanson
A few important things: in his notes to people, and in the interview, he was extraordinarily grateful about how much love and support he'd received, and how badly he felt that he simply could not get through this depression and come out of it. But that's the myth, right? That depressed people are "selfish", "self-absorbed", and even that suicide is a selfish act. Couldn't be further from the truth, and shame on anyone who thinks or, even worse, says it. He felt horribly that he'd had such support and it wasn't enough. And it's so clear that people loved him, but maybe weren't there for him when he really needed them to be. He says this completely without judgment. That is my assessment alone.
He also talks about how there were lots of times when he simply could not afford therapy. They laugh about it, but say, "...you have to sort of pay out the nose if you want to...live." And that truly is how it is. I've been trying to navigate through the system for a good 8 months now, and it's maddening. Therapy really is only available for people who can pay massive amounts of money per session, mostly in cash. My psychologist stepsister will tell you disappointedly that she sees people in an all-cash practice. They don't even take insurance (I don't believe), and no sliding scale. You either can pay, or no therapy. How many lives are lost because of this? Doesn't seem like many people care, because depression isn't a glamorous type of ailment. Many people STILL don't understand there's a difference between "the blues" or feeling sad and major depression. It also pushes people away, it's not sympathetic or warm n' fuzzy, so if people die, eh, it's no biggie. Where are the studies linking the lack of ability to get affordable, effective therapy with suicide? Even with insurance plans, good ones, you only get a handful of sessions a year. A YEAR. When often therapists want to see a patient twice a week.
But you need to hear this man talk, with no drama, no guile, and infinite gratitude (not religious, revelatory, self-help type gratitude, but raw and honest) about how he got through this, and still is. It's beautiful, it's terrible. Everyone should hear it, and not turn away. Because as Marc says, "sometimes it's not about the funny; it's about the sad", and from the sad comes the funny, and the sad is just as rich and important as the funny. It's crucial, in fact. You think The Onion's funny? You think Marc Maron's funny? Louis CK? Conan O'Brien? So much of what they do that's hilarious is borne of the darkness with which they wrestle. Without one, the other doesn't exist. You get what I'm saying.
http://www.wtfpod.com/podcast/episodes/episode_190_-_todd_hanson
12 July 2011
please just hold still while I punch you...
When I hear people like this apparently braindead asshole [who wants to be our president, OMG!] saying things like science is "in dispute" about whether or not being gay is a choice - or anyone who just plain suggests that it is - I don't know whether to laugh, cry, or punch someone. Why the simple return query "...and when did YOU decide to be straight?" doesn't shut that down every single fucking time, I don't know. It's really that simple. I never even wondered. At age 8 or 10 or 12, I never went..."ok, I think I like boys. I'll go that way." No, it's just who I am. Some people like both, but that isn't a choice either. Jesus, what is WRONG with these people that they need to hold onto this clearly bullshit belief? One that - sorry Pawlenty - has been proven by science to not be a choice. It's hardwired, my dear. We of course chose to act on our sexuality or not, we can choose to experiment, we all lie somewhere on a vast spectrum and sometimes we slide along that spectrum at different times in our lives, but our essential sexual orientation is who we are, for the vast majority of people. So sorry that doesn't jive with your political campaign or religious rhetoric. Doesn't make it less true. As they say, you are not entitled to your own facts, only your own opinions.
06 July 2011
other thing that's bothering me today
I've noticed, with increasing dismay, that lots of people my age or just a little older, act as if they're well into their 80s. They're too creaky and "old" to do this or that. They can't bend this way, they can't do that anymore, they've placed severe limitations on themselves because they're simply "too old" to do certain things. Jesus. What the fuck? When did we become geriatric? I asked R weeks ago to help me with my bed because the frame is coming apart, a task that requires very little effort and time but can't be done by one person, and he said he couldn't do it because he had gigs coming up and has a shoulder problem. Bed's still in that state. My neighbors are in their 50s/early 60s but can barely walk and creak along as if they're 30 years older, holding each other up (no kidding) going from car to front door. Hell, my mother in her 70s is way more sprightly than them.
Now, I'm not in particularly good shape, something I plan to rectify, but I don't think there are any restrictions on what I can do physically, not yet at least. And I'm hoping not for quite a while. Yes, I often feel old, but not because I'm fucking infirm/limited. More because of what I haven't yet accomplished. It's a sad state of affairs that so many people who aren't old are acting downright geriatric. "I can't bend that way", "I can't do that anymore", "that's for kids", "I'll sit that out". NO, don't sit it out. I'm not saying be reckless and dangerous and ridiculous, but acting like you're 75 when you're 40 not only gives you a bad name, it gives everyone in your/our age group a bad name. I'll admit I don't think aging is fun or pretty, but I think as soon we start the "oh, I can't _____ anymore", we're sorta screwed. Actually, I take that back. I AM saying to be reckless, because I think most people have a different gauge for "dangerous" than I do, and are much more cautious than I am, for better or for worse. Take a chance that you'll get wet, or banged up, or scratched. Don't take a chance you'll break your back or be paralyzed. Use discretion. I don't know. I'm guessing the people who wussed out as kids are probably the same ones wussing out now, but just using their age as the excuse. And I'm calling them out. I'm calling me out too to be more active, even in the face of depression. I want us to take back our age and prove that we can do whatever the hell we want. I want that for us all. If noone else is with me, then I'll do it on my own. But I'd rather not.
Now, I'm not in particularly good shape, something I plan to rectify, but I don't think there are any restrictions on what I can do physically, not yet at least. And I'm hoping not for quite a while. Yes, I often feel old, but not because I'm fucking infirm/limited. More because of what I haven't yet accomplished. It's a sad state of affairs that so many people who aren't old are acting downright geriatric. "I can't bend that way", "I can't do that anymore", "that's for kids", "I'll sit that out". NO, don't sit it out. I'm not saying be reckless and dangerous and ridiculous, but acting like you're 75 when you're 40 not only gives you a bad name, it gives everyone in your/our age group a bad name. I'll admit I don't think aging is fun or pretty, but I think as soon we start the "oh, I can't _____ anymore", we're sorta screwed. Actually, I take that back. I AM saying to be reckless, because I think most people have a different gauge for "dangerous" than I do, and are much more cautious than I am, for better or for worse. Take a chance that you'll get wet, or banged up, or scratched. Don't take a chance you'll break your back or be paralyzed. Use discretion. I don't know. I'm guessing the people who wussed out as kids are probably the same ones wussing out now, but just using their age as the excuse. And I'm calling them out. I'm calling me out too to be more active, even in the face of depression. I want us to take back our age and prove that we can do whatever the hell we want. I want that for us all. If noone else is with me, then I'll do it on my own. But I'd rather not.
I see you.
You're a starfucker. You didn't used to be. You used to be a nice guy, smart, with edge, but nice, and funny. Some people lay it all out there from the very beginning, and you know where you stand. I kind of appreciate that. But you, somehow you've morphed into this guy over the years, resentful but still appearing to be successful, talking about an industry you aren't really part of, but will make sure others know they're excluded from. A profound lack of generosity of spirit. You see value in people's visible/media successes now, and you define success by their notoriety. And it has to be a certain type of a notoriety to be of value to you. So congratulations. You're the worst kind of disingenuous phony. I can appreciate an unabashed starfucker, but a stealth one...nah. That's low. But rest assured, it's not nearly as hidden as you think it is. And yes, you are burning bridges. I hope it will be worth it.
04 July 2011
junk phrases
Junk phrases really bother me. Things that people say because they've heard other people say them, but they mean nothing. At this time of year, everyone's saying, "have a safe and happy 4th". A happy 4th will be fine, thanks. Adding the "safe" part either indicates that you are using it as a filler/junk word, thoughtlessly, or you really truly think the person/people you are talking to are reckless and they might just injure themselves on this particular weekend. If so, you might need different friends. Or you might want to talk to them about said recklessness in a nice, pointed sit-down, and not as a throwaway word that's just part of wishing them a happy 4th of July. Like, if they're buying 400 pounds of professional-grade fireworks that they plan to set off in their postage-stamp-sized back yard, wouldn't it be a good idea to issue that "safe" warning way earlier than the weekend in question?
Other examples of junk phrases would include "it's all good" (no, it's not all good), "what's up?" (if you don't stick around to hear the answer or care to know), "have a nice day" at the end of an altercation. I guess I'm just a stickler for being aware of the meaning of the words you're using. Junk phrases are comfortable, they lend a rhythm to our speech that we expect, so they're probably around to stay. But I won't be using them. That said, have a nice 4th!
Other examples of junk phrases would include "it's all good" (no, it's not all good), "what's up?" (if you don't stick around to hear the answer or care to know), "have a nice day" at the end of an altercation. I guess I'm just a stickler for being aware of the meaning of the words you're using. Junk phrases are comfortable, they lend a rhythm to our speech that we expect, so they're probably around to stay. But I won't be using them. That said, have a nice 4th!
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| I love bunting. |
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