the switch

There's a time when the water switches from looking inviting and warm (even if it's not actually warm, which it rarely is here) to looking foreboding, metallic and deadly. Right now it's still the former. Every Wednesday I drive across a bridge that boasts a really impressive view, and this past week, this thought occurred to me. Soon it will be dark and dangerous, the kind of water that could kill you within a few minutes. And the days of grey and grey and grey that don't seem to bother some people (and others even find cozy) will eat at my soul. Need a new view. New approach. New me.

gimme mini Penn!

Two Penn things:

Recently, some action figures based on guest stars on The Simpsons were released, including those of Penn & Teller. Now that they're out there, they're impossible to actually get. Toys r Us says they'll let you know when they're available, other stores tell me they can't get them, and they only seem to be orderable from outside the country. Some stores have other ones, but not P&T. So after a lot of looking, I asked Penn if he could hook me up. "I have no connection", he said. Now, of course we know that's bullshit, but if we didn't know it for sure...I was listening to his weekly podcast and he was talking about how his kids were playing with their dad's figure, and how weird it was. He mentioned that they have them for sale at his theater. So...no connection, but they have a stockpile at the theater he's at every night? Grrr.

Speaking of the podcast, I find it difficult to listen to, because Penn is constantly snorting and snuffling. He alternately sounds like he's drowning in phlegm, or that he's deep in the throws of sleep apnea. Glottal stops to beat the band. It's...gross. Again, I'm guessing no one else cares, but...misophonia.

I'm currently watching a documentary (fascinating) that he and Teller produced/directed called Tim's Vermeer, which Penn narrates. And they've taken out all the snuffling/sleep apnea choking. It's soooo nice. So the sound editors must have noticed it, and removed it.

fall's pretty but...

Tis the season when everyone's exclaiming that they LOVE FALL! You know who loves fall? People who don't mind winter (or live somewhere where there's not really a winter - there's nothing more ridiculous than how people in warm weather climates try to recreate a fall experience in summer weather), and who have a partner to do all the fall things with. When you are alone most of the time with no companion, there's not so much to love. Last night (morning) I was up til 5, panicking about various things. One of which is being alone, a hurt that mostly just runs in the background, but when it comes to the foreground, it SLAMS me. It's so painful that I'm this old and alone. How much more of a failure could I possibly be? That - still - noone gets how painful it is, nor does anyone keep their eye out for me or think of me as a viable partner for their friends. Trying to push it back to the background but right now it feels very raw and no, I do not LOVE FALL!

-----------

I hate cleaning, but clean because I hate filthiness more. Yesterday I figured out a way to clean my fuzzy/furry box fan that was less labor intensive than in the past. You remove the panels/screens and then go crazy with a Swiffer duster. Remove stubborn pieces by hand. Best to do it outside. Fur everywhere. Put panel back on. Good as new. Now to motivate to vacuum...

onions = love?

My friend Arricca sent me some valentines she found at her parents’ house (her mother recently died). One from me to her and one from her to me. I asked her these questions about them:

-why do you have one TO me? did you never send it? did I give it back?

-why does it have an onion on it, and a smaller, unidentified vegetable (looks like a red potato with celery coming out of it), saying “you’re ‘special’”, with the “special” in quotes. are onions inherently special? and you wrote “1980” on the back, also with quotes.

-how come you say “your friend” while I say “love”? were you noncommittal?

-why did I spell “friend” wrong? I was a spelling champ. what the hell? who can’t spell friend??
please solve these mysteries!

p.s. I would argue that I cannot be improved upon. at least at that time, when I apparently could NOT SPELL FRIEND

-------------

We discussed the onion again, and could not figure out why it's there. It's not even a play on words. If it were a leek, I said, it could be like this:

yes, I made this