people like lists

1. I killed another jade plant. I love them, but can't keep them alive. Meanwhile, my father and stepmother have one that they inherited years and years ago that is decades old and absolutely enormous - several feet across. HOW??
   
   
2. I will admit that I like the idea of coming up in conversation between these two guys, out there together in a somewhat camp-like situation where they're teaching and performing in North Carolina for several days (starting today). But in my mind it's just V talking about how great he thinks I am (and he sent me the sweetest, coolest email yesterday*), and C agreeing, or it giving him pause, or something. In any case, I hope it goes well.
   
   
3. I think I'm realizing how truly addicted to coffee so many people are. When I have people stay over and they're coffee drinkers (and most people seem to be), they seem to get a little panicky when they realize that I don't have a coffee machine. I can see them freak out a little and they start inquiring as to where the nearest coffee place is. I'm dead serious when I say there's a bit of panic in their voices when they ask. They HAVE to find it. So we hustle off to the closest coffee place (there are a handful in town). In fact, when my cousin was here recently, she said it made her feel "safe" that there were so many Dunkin Donuts around. It wouldn't make sense for me to have a machine and coffee at home since I don't drink it, and because people seem SO picky about what kinds they like, and like alcohol, I don't know shit about coffee (though I did have a kick-ASS iced coffee at a Stewart's gas station in upstate NY recently). But imagine if I started panicking at someone's house if I realized they didn't have any...grape juice, and I insisted we go out and FIND GRAPE JUICE RIGHT NOW. That'd be weird, no?
   
   When D was here last summer and we were at a hotel in Cambridge, I went to Starbucks and got him a coffee. Turns out he hates Starbucks coffee, as do lots of people. Yet how it is still so popular? Turns out he, like many others, prefers good ol' Dunkin Donuts. Large cream and sugar, aka "lahge regulah". And Raymond now skips the groovy local place that roasts their own beans for the DD in town as well. He goes every day. He says he doesn't even TRY to make it at home because it's simply never as good.
   
   Here's an interesting article from Wired magazine about an $11,000 coffee maker that is now in select Starbucks. It makes one cup at a time, each one completely customized, and apparently the coffee it churns out is amazing. Will people find it good enough to pay the higher price (starting at $4/cup) to make the investment worthwhile to Starbucks and the consumer? That's the question.
   

*"You're beautiful, fun, strange, a [redacted], beyond talented, wry humored, and [redacted]." Awww. This is stuff I SO need to hear.

Sherri Shepard = dumbass

I barely know how to calmly convey my disgust at that perennial dumbass Sherri Shepard's recent remarks. From the time I heard they chose her to be on "The View", I believed it to be a terrible decision, one borne of wanting to "diversify" the panel and make sure that Elizabeth wasn't the only conservative, since the show has gotten shit for "bashing" Elizabeth and her views (views - heh).

But Sherri - she adds nothing, but for empty rhetoric. Remember when she said she "wasn't sure if the earth (was) flat"? Well, a few days ago, she mentioned on the show that she'd been interviewed by a Christian magazine unfortunately called "Precious Times" (she claims to be born again), in which she states that before she was saved (ug), she had "more abortions than I would like to count", but then she got saved, and apparently all was forgiven. She also mentioned wishing she were more spiritually influential so that she could get Barbara Walters saved. Good lord.

But what bothered me the most was what she said on the show in response to the article. She said that someone told her that once she got to heaven (because, apparently, despite the fact that she lost count of how many abortions she had, and she behaved very badly before getting saved, and she's divorced, and she lives on the opposite side of the country as her little boy, she's still going to heaven), she would see all the babies she aborted, and they'd all gather around her and say "hi mommy!" and forgive her. Creepiness aside (because I for one do not want dead babies talking to me, thanks), if that is not the ultimate in rationalizing your bad behavior and using religion to excuse it, I'm not sure what is. But it is the perfect example of how to simultanously use religion to your benefit (sure, go ahead and use abortions as birth control! there's more where those came from!) while judging others (Barbara Walters is spiritually bereft). This is the kind of thing that religious people will point to and say, "But we're not ALL that way!" But does it matter? If you constantly have to distance yourself from people like Sherri, and so many people are cafeteria-picking to piece together a religious construct that allows them to make bad decisions with no consequence, is there not a point where you start questioning the whole paper tiger?

sheriff's deputies??

1. Yee-ikes. This is where I got my car!
   
   
2. (Folk Legend) Artie Traum died the other day.
   
   
3. I'm excited that I figured out how to push my calendar and contacts to my iPod Touch. That, along with being able to get email, makes it just about the coolest personal music playing device ever.
   
   
4. Things are definitely stirring up into something. I'm hatching a plan.

quick notes

1. I made a plane reservation via calling United the other day. Did you know that if you want to make the reservation by speaking to a reservation agent, THEY CHARGE YOU $25?? If you want to make a cost-free reservation, you have to go through their voice prompts, a system that doesn't seem to "hear" very well. Amazing. I'm guessing that most people will try to slog their way through the automated system rather than spend the $25, so does that mean that somewhere in (wherever United's based) there are hundreds or thousands of agents sitting around playing card games whereas they used to actually be WORKING? Or did they cut a lot of jobs? I'm guessing (airlines) will continue to find ways to tack on extra fees until prices are so jacked up that only the truly wealthy can afford to fly.
   
   
2. I had a dream last night that I was pregnant with twins but not keeping the babies, and I was in the hospital waiting to give birth, and very scared. My mother was there, and she'd invited a TON of people into the room to watch the birth, many of whom I didn't know. I told her that it wasn't exactly a joyous occasion for me, and that I didn't want all these strangers in there, so they all (mostly) got ushered out. Later, (an old friend I no longer speak to) came in looking for someone else, seemed upset and didn't seem to notice that I was pregnant, and soon left, to my relief. Woke up sad and anxious, again. When will these awful feelings go away? Not until things are resolved, or time works its magic, I suppose.
   

Je Ne Te Connais Pas

I've had my car for a year now, and yes, I still love it. It's so nice to have a car I look forward to getting into instead of one I dread. And the gas mileage is surprisingly good, so though I'm paying more for gas than I used to, it's really not all THAT much more. But I didn't see many other new Outlanders on the road until recently, and now I'm seeing them around. And I've decided it's the song they use in their new commercial ("Je Ne Te Connais Pas" by The Prototypes) that must be inspiring people to buy. It's catchy and cool and syncopated, and the ad shows groovy people bopping their heads while driving their Outlanders in the city, and...on the beach? Why am I not driving mine on the beach?? All I have to do is drive across the street to achieve automotive coolness. My car's destiny fulfilled!



Note: This song is also used in a BMW ad. Don't these ad people talk to each other, and surely there are enough cool songs to go around that they shouldn't have to double up, right?

meet the t819

Well, I went to T-Mobile and got a new phone and switched to them. Service in my house with the new phone seems to fluctuate between 1 and 4 bars (as opposed to "loss of service" to 1 bar, which is the best I get with the Verizon phone), but the few calls I've made so far haven't dropped and seem ok. And I got the Samsung SGH t819. It's sort of a step down from my old phone in some ways (so long, full keyboard! hello, clunky, ugly interface!), but what can you do? I'm not interested in doing protracted research to find the perfect stupid T-Mobile phone. I'm mad that I have to get a new phone at ALL. I also lost the voicemails on my old phone in the switch, personal messages that I was keeping for sentimental reasons, and that almost made me cry.

I have bad cell phone luck. I used to have bad car luck, but that is now apparently over, and it has jumped to cell phones. After years of bad service with Sprint, I realized that all the people I knew who seemed to get good reception had Verizon. So I thoughtfully switched to Verizon. I got my current (till today) phone just a year ago, when I moved to this place, only to find that I have NO SERVICE in the house. So I'd just renewed my contract and bought a new phone, only to find there's no service. Nice. And I have suffered through it for a year. Many important conversations have been dropped mid-sentence. Many times I've driven away from my house just so I could get better (or any!) reception. I sat outside until November whilst on the phone, because that was the only place I could be sure calls wouldn't drop. And I even subscribed to Skype, which is prety cool, but owing to my wireless periodically dropping out and the fact that noone can call IN, it's not the solution either. So I'll tell you that, with my luck, I'm not feeling good about this new phone, about T-Mobile, about any of it.

And I hate the stranglehold that these cell phone companies - who keep merging into each other until eventually there'll only be one company ordering us around - have on us. Why can't I take my perfectly good Verizon phone and use it with with a T-Mobile account? Because cell phone companies are assholes, and that doesn't serve their greater good. So our massive inconvenience and unncessary expense (resulting in landfills full of perfectly good phones) is their gain. Fuck them, I say. It's wasteful and irresponsible, so no, I can't feel good about this. It's more than my having to lay out the money for a phone that I don't need. It's about the overall wastefulness of it. And a consumerist culture that doesn't question it enough. I have no solutions. But I feel like today I was backed into a corner and forced to consume, purchase, buy when I didn't want or need to. Boo.

summerthoughts

Because I'm not comfortable talking about the personal stuff going on with me, let's try this...

1. Took Rocco to the vet yesterday for his annual. Hot vet said that he's fine and that he's "mostly fluff". Shirley is skinny but still within a normal weight range, so we're watching her, but she seems ok. When she stretches out, she's like a very long, furry, purry gray hot dog.
   
   
2. I took myself to the ear doc yesterday, as I've been having trouble with water in my right ear. He told me there was wax against the ear drum, so it should be removed. He took it out and showed it to me (ew). He was very nice, and I know I'm old because he seemed VERY young to me. And I've decided that if a doctor says "this won't hurt", those are the magic words to keep me from passing out. Of course, they can't say that if it's not true, but in this case, all went smoothly, and I didn't have to explain my (vasovagal) situation because it was already in my chart. It was nice not having to do the spiel. Mom had diagnosed in advance what the problem likely was, and she was correct. She's good that way.
   
   
3. D suggested (related to something I said about #2) that I change the name of this (blog) to "The Orifice I Want Probed", so that will be its unofficial name. Done.
   
   
4. I think I must finally switch cell phone companies. I've been dealing with Verizon's horrible cell service at home for a year now, and it's now gone from terrible to horrendous. Why we are expected to accept this consistently terrible cell phone service across carriers, I don't know. As an article I just read pointed out, if your TV failed to turn on 10% of the time, you'd be appalled. And cell phone sound quality is ridiculously bad. Apparently, cell phone sound quality is much better in Europe, so it's not that the technology doesn't exist. Why don't we have it? And why do we put up with such terrible service? Anyways, at this point, ALL calls from my place get dropped, and I cut out no matter where in the place I am. I used to be able to go outside and be sure the call wouldn't be dropped or cut out, but now even that isn't a given. My neighbors must think that I love to chat on the phone outside, because I'm out there all the time, roaming around on the phone, usually following Rocco. I'm not happy to have to abandon my phone and buy a new one and do the whole switching thing, but Verizon isn't planning any upgrades here, and they've agreed to let me out of my contract. And I found a site where you can get cash for your old phone (or donate it to a charity), so I'll do that. To prove my point, as I was talking to Verizon to make sure that I could get out of my contract, THE CALL DROPPED. And I wasn't even at home (and they actually called me back). So when you see Verizon's new "no dead zones" ads, realize that the exact opposite is true.
   
   
5. Went to Walden Pond this weekend for the first time in a long time. The water was perfect, but I didn't like the crowds. The people themselves were perfectly lovely, but it was too crowded for ME. I have a song about swimming across that pond that equates being way out in the middle of the pond (it's 1.7 miles around) and how there is some danger to it, with trying to make your way in a nontraditional career, or life. I have to try to remember it.
   

That's it. Not very interesting, but that's all I can muster up. The juicy stuff will have to stay with me for now.

happy birthday

1.) Today is my amazing Aunt Jessie's birthday. She doesn't really DO birthdays, so I sent her this:

(That's my adorable cousin Jen with her at my brother's wedding).

2.) I realized last night that the iPod Touch makes a fairly decent flashlight when one is walking on near pitch black paths at night, trying to purge one's demons. Demons purged: zero; podcasts heard: one.

Maria Bamford redux, or proof that I am connected to everyone

Maria does imitations of her whole family, plus friends and co-workers, and even enemies, as part of her act. And she does her sister Sarah. At least we know the family actually exists, though the others may not. I thought, "I know a Sarah Bamford. We went to college together. She could fit that (imitation). Wonder if it's her?" So I looked her up in the alumni directory, and indeed it's her. And she really is a pathologist in Duluth. Then I dug out pictures of us singing together. I'll spare you those. Noone needs to see that many shapeless jumper dresses and sensible flats.

One degree of Maria Bamford. Cool.

I heart Maria Bamford

Hey, how was your 4th? Ok, that's a rhetorical, but you can answer 'cause I'm interested. But if you don't, I won't feel bad that there are no comments. See how I rigged that? I had a bunch of people over, including my sister, nieces and cousin. We went to the beach, then to the festival, then had dinner and a birthday cake for Cydney (yay for having a place that's bigger than a closet such that people can actually fit and socialize), fireworks (though actually me and Amanda didn't see much because we drove the rest down and dropped them off because there was no parking), then yesterday down to RI, blah blah blah. There, you're all caught up.

My friend Michael turned me onto Maria Bamford, who is a brilliant comedian/actress. Cerebral, somewhat tortured, and painfully honest. I found these little web shows she does (after seeing a Comedy Central special of hers yesterday), and they're really worth watching. She does a whole cast of characters who happen to be her family and friends. In this one she addresses some internet dates she went on. If you know me, you know that I think internet dating is just about as fun as sitting in a hot tub of boiling oil with a naked Donald Trump, which is why I long ago gave up on it. But a lot of coupled people are sure it's a beautiful panacea of delightfully eligible singles, or at least that it "can't be that bad". They believe you simply tap into a site, choose the man or woman of your dreams, meet them in person, and voila! Start making wedding plans. People who've actually DONE IT know that it's a roiling cesspool of lowest common denominator "choices", where anonymity allows people to be obscenely judgmental and nasty, even when they have nothing to offer ("I'm a 38 year old man who lives in my parents' basement and likes to wear diapers. Seeking beautiful 23 year old woman no heavier than 120 lbs. 6-figure income a must. No gold diggers!"). Nearly impossible to make real connections, but you're sure to find every bottom dweller in your chosen mileage radius. Until you start thinking, "Am I a bottom dweller too?", and that's always good for the 'ol self-esteem.

Witness the story of a friend of mine who went on one this week. It started OUT with the guy suggesting they meet for dinner at Taco Bell, they ended up going to Chili's (a lateral move from Taco Bell, if you ask me) where he spent most of his mealtime checking Facebook ON HIS PHONE to see which women were "poking" him (and giving a running commentary on this to my friend, in an attempt to impress her, because he's apparently TWELVE YEARS OLD), and then onto a bookstore, where his book of choice, which he found high-larious and proceeded to read out loud, was one of the "you know you're a redneck when..." masterpieces. Why she didn't bail as soon as "Taco Bell" came out of his mouth, I don't know. They parted with him saying breezily, "Call me later!". Uh, no. I would have walked out as soon as the Facebook nonsense started, but she hung in. What I found fascinating is that she said it would have never occurred to her to leave because, she told me, she doesn't have it in her to "be rude", though she didn't see his dinnertime Facebook-ing as rude, just "...ridiculous, so I ignored him and ate my meal". Yet even after all that, she went to a bookstore with him, "...because I like books". We're all wired so differently.

Anyways, Maria Bamford (though the site seems to be having some problems):

dreaming with a broken heart

I think I've mentioned before how John Mayer, though he often get a bad pop culture rap ("he's dating Jennifer Aniston!" "he writes sensitive songs!"), is really a musician's musician. Musicians know how truly talented the guy is, and he is. His guitar playing is incredibly impressive, his writing equally so, and his voice is just really nice [plus he's really really pretty, but your mileage may vary on that one]. Sadly, I doubt I'll ever see him in concert, because I really don't want to see ANYONE in a fucking stadium, and those are the venues he plays. I'm pretty dedicated to seeing musicians in small rooms, where I know that people are there for the quality of the music, and not because the beer's cold, or because their girlfriend dragged them there (though surely there are some of those in small rooms too), or because they want to mouth along to the song they heard on some jacked-up commercial radio station, played right before Fergie "sings" her latest trumped up hit, and followed by the wacky "morning zoo" program.

Anyways, to wit pretty lyrics (that feel very true to me):

When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The waking up is the hardest part
You roll outta bed and down on your knees
And for a moment you can hardly breathe
Wondering was she really here?
Is she standing in my room?
No she's not, 'cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....

When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The giving up is the hardest part
She takes you in with your crying eyes
Then all at once you have to say goodbye
Wondering could you stay my love?
Will you wake up by my side?
No she can't, 'cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....

Now do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hand
Do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?
Do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?
Do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?
Would you get them if i did?
No you won't, 'cause you're gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....

When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The waking up is the hardest part...

-Dreaming With A Broken Heart / John Mayer

In other musical news, my friend M gave me Shawn Colvin's newest CD, These Four Walls. He and I both tend to take a few initial listens of her recordings, and then they just get stuck in heavy rotation for quite a while. Colvin's a slow burn like that. Unfortunately, I now know a bit more about her personally via C than I wish did, but she's still one of my vocal heroes. A lot of what I do vocally comes from Shawn and Jonatha Brooke.

I did meet her once. And it was Bill Morrissey who introduced us. I thought that was just about the coolest thing ever.