the olds, part...whatever

Last night I had a dream where two guys, one ex and one celeb I don't know, were both telling me I'd need to wait because they couldn't, um, get it up, because of their age. Even my dreams torture me. But I fear this is my future in actuality. At least according to commercials all men over 40 have these issues. I kinda pray that's not the case. HJ's been telling me about all the young guys she's hooking up with, many only once ("one and done" - I love that she's taking control this way, as it's usually men's domain) and she showed me a pic of a super ripped guy who she said "doesn't last very long". A little less working out/steroids, a little more fixing of the problem, dude. I wouldn't want to be with someone so insanely ripped even if I were thinner, because 1.) it's really and truly not attractive to me and 2.) it speaks to a self-obsession that is sure to inform the rest of his life too.

Mo Rocca's secret life

I had a dream the other night that (a young, beautiful, talented woman who is revered in the aca world, and has done a good bit of high profile stuff - like performing with Lady Gaga - already though only a few years out of college) was starring in a reality show with Mo Rocca where they were a couple. And that was the conceit - were they really a couple (since he's gay and out), or were they trolling? So was it a reality show or a "reality" show, though yes, I know all reality shows are "reality". Much more than most people even know. But in the dream, she described herself as something similar to what I describe her as above, suggesting that someone was jealous of her. And of course I am. I'm jealous of her. And hell, you would be be too. She's stunning, and people who see her perform, pros, will all tell you that she has "it". That star quality. She and her group (one of them), all of whom I know, are mildly mean-girlish, nice enough to but at a remove, expect to be treated like stars. I thought maybe I was imagining that, but when in Memphis other members of my team were not having it. They sound amazing, they're all very talented, but there's no genuine connection there. I know each of them individually, and they're what's unfortunate about the "post-feminist" time we're in. Not all young women are like this, but they are. The kind that do Crossfit and post pics of their bruises, but have to have their boyfriends open jars for them. Kinda the worst.

I guess I didn't expect to feel this terrible about how I look. It's hit pretty hard.

There just doesn't seem to be any reason to ramble on about minutiae. Is it interesting to anyone? I got a new computer. How's that for boring to anyone but me? That's a seemingly small thing that's really big to me. I got my last macbook used and in the past few years it's slowed down incredibly, though still chugging along. But I've lost a lot of work time waiting for it, and there've been tech constraints because of it. So my friend and client got this for me because it's what's needed to smoothly run teleprompter. And I am paying back via the work I do for him. This process took months, of looking for the right thing (even though it was always going to be a macbook pro, so it was just choosing new or refurb, and what the specs), of making sure it'd work with the system, and ultimately a friend of D's got us a discount. And this is new. To be able to go to the store and pick this up in its shiny, minimalist box...like being another person. I don't get shiny new expensive things. I want shiny new expensive things, and I take very good care of everything I own, but I usually get...whatever I can afford. But this...it's beautiful, it's powerful. Now I have to figure out how I'm going to get the Adobe Creative Suite, which is now only "in the cloud". Hence these photos not being adjusted. No Pshop on this baby yet.